You picked up extra shifts at work to pay for the bills that somehow got dropped in your lap while your spouse became more and more entangled in the complexities of upper level degrees. He or she set aside the full time job and then the part time one claiming that the rigors of student life, exams, and residencies were too trying and time consuming. Out of great depths of love you sacrificed sleep and all other hobbies to allow him/her to achieve lifelong dreams.
Now, with fancy little letters to add at the end of his/her name, you have become a bit of a ball and chain. You are no longer educated enough, or sophisticated enough, for his/her friends in the upper echelon of society. He or she needs a newer, better looking, and higher degree holding marital attachment. Or, his/her career goals just won’t leave enough time for investing in the relationship that was promised to you would last till death do us part. No, it was till degree do us part instead.
And what are you to do? You’ve invested every ounce of time and money into supporting him/her in dreams that were never yours. How do you pick yourself up and make some very serious life adjustments when divorce happens after a degree is attained? Just so you know you’re not alone, read this.
Steps to Starting Over
You never wanted to be a cliché, but you’re not the first one in that situation. All the money you spent on medical journals published by Dove Press might as well have been burned for all its worth to you now. In fact, you’ve got some ideas about what he/she can do with those journals. But, you really ought to be considering what you need to do to start over. Here are some steps to take to get your life back in order:
- Grieve– Don’t try to keep all that pain inside. Divorce is like death, the death to your dream and your marriage. You need to let yourself mourn.
- Journal– Writing out your pain can help you deal with it. It helps people with PTSD, and your spouse’s decision was undoubtedly traumatic for you.
- Friends– Let them be your shoulders to cry on and your support mechanisms when times seem too much to bear.
- Counseling– You might be better served by professional help. You will need someone you can become completely vulnerable with and this avenue might be your best option.
- Reinvent– Start contemplating what it is you like to do and who you want to be. You spent plenty of time being who your spouse needed you to be, now it’s time to find yourself again.
- Date– Most experts advise that you wait a year before you start seeking out new companionship. You will need that time to heal and to fully engage in who you are and what you need and want out of life and relationships. Click here for a better understanding of making it through divorce.
One more bit of advice for you, anger is natural. Wanting to shred his/her Dove Press journal collection might be your first instinct, but being vindictive is not going to heal the marriage, or really make you feel any better in the long run. If you think you might need help with handling your anger check this resource out. Then, follow these steps and allow yourself to move on and find peace.…Read More